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How I dug myself out of a hole

All weekend long, my body was fighting something, which got a heck of a lot worse last night. As soon as I started to feel that little tickle in my throat and pressure in my sinuses, I noticed my mood drop rapidly and drastically.

As my body went into a compromised state, I quickly became irritable, grumpy, easily agitated, impatient, pessimistic, and negative in my demeanor. I more easily collapse into myself and into a contracted state of seriousness, self-absorption and pensiveness from which I am easily triggered by even the littlest of things – like the woman who parked her car too close to mine at Whole Foods, or at my beloved mother who was going on and on about insisting I make an appointment for a massage that was actually HER gift to me! Hello? Talk about being ungrateful!!!

So today, I’m determined to not let this bug and negative spiral usurp my peace, my pleasure, and my capacity to love more than it already has.

This has become an urgent wake-up call to – before I open my mouth, make a choice, or take any action – come back to myself, back to what matters most, back into alignment with who it is I desire to be, what it is I desire to feel, and how it is I, ultimately, want to show up.

Essentially, it comes down to walking my talk with even more integrity by making those choices that feel good on all levels.

So, what this opened up for me, was an absolute necessity to remember to prioritize pleasure and to increasingly shift my orientation in whatever direction feels better and easier.

So, instead of just doing what I think I should do and going through the motions at times when I might fall into that habit, I’m asking myself, “What would actually feel good to do?”

Instead of letting my mind go down some trail of negativity of complaining or victimization, I’m consciously checking in to identify, “What would feel good to think about?”

I’m pausing more often to notice what feels good in my body, what feels good in my life, what I absolutely love about my life and feel even more grateful for all the things that are going amazingly well.

I’ve set a very specific goal in my business that I keep intending, to track as a very loving, self-affirming way to acknowledge, honor, and celebrate each step I take in service of that goal. Since I’ve neglected to do so until now, today I’ve committed to writing down every single baby step I’ve made up until this moment towards that goal.

I notice the resistance to feeling good that’s there and how easy it could be to give into the insistence and momentum of the negative slant on everything.

I also notice the very strong tendency to beat myself up for having been in a sour, grouchy mood and for not being as happy, light-hearted, loving, patient, open, giving, grateful, or as kind as I would ideally aspire to be in certain moments.

Instead of beating myself up, I’m choosing to remember that, whether we’re feeling good or feeling bad, we are always right on track and moving closer to whatever it is we desire and to wherever we desire to be, as long as we heed the guidance of our feelings – no matter where they are on the spectrum.

So, I’m giving myself the grace and permission to be gentle, kind, and loving with whatever might feel really lousy, contracting, and challenging, and to simply use it as my motivation to become more conscious, deliberate, and intentional in my alignment as I move pleasure, joy, and feeling good back up to the very top of my list.

I’m going to devote some time to daydreaming and visioning in a way that feels simple, light, fun, playful, easily expansive, and uplifting….to play again in the multidimensionality of our being as infinite consciousness and infinite abundance, remembering that all our desires already exist in the field of infinity possibility.

If they didn’t, we wouldn’t even have the desire in the first place.

Their very existence is what precedes the very arising of any and all desires within us.

What does it look like for you to put pleasure and feeling good first today?

What are you inspired to let go of or add in as a way to raise your pleasure and joy threshold today?


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