The desire to discover more satisfaction, expression, and fulfillment in our sensual, sexual lives is common for us as women, especially because, for many of us, our early experiences were less than nourishing and elevating.
Sexual empowerment has nothing to do with how many people you sleep with, how often you have sex. or whether or not you’re doing it “right”. Sexual empowerment is all about choosing YOU, doing only that which you truly desire to do, and making choices that reflect your wholeness and that enrich and expand your highest joy.
My early sex life was definitely colored more by frustration, disillusionment, and disappointment than it was by the blissful afterglow of deeply profound intimacy and rapture. More often than not, I was making choices from a place of feeling disconnected from my body’s wisdom, needing approval and acceptance, and hungry for love, which meant I continually betrayed my own truth and trespassed my own boundaries. The pain and emptiness I experienced as a result in addition to my burning desire to discover the path of awakening through pleasure is what inspired my passionate quest towards cultivating greater sexual wholeness and embodying my erotic truths.
1. Make choices that are in alignment with your heart’s truest desires
Sexual empowerment starts with knowing your body and having an intimacy with HER feelings, needs, and language that allows you to make choices that honor and respect exactly where you are in any moment and that are in alignment with your heart’s truest desires and your boundaries in real time.
This requires getting out of your head and into your body, so that you are in a place of presence and embodiment that allows you to discern your “Yes” from your “No”, whether that be with yourself or a partner, and to put your integrity with yourself and your truth first and foremost over any need to appease or appeal to the agenda of your ego or your partner.
Making empowered choices that enhance your aliveness requires knowing what turns you on and knowing what you need to get there by discovering your own roadmap of arousal and vocabulary of pleasure.
2. Become your own best lover
Making sexual decisions that feel good and that allow for your increased expansion and pleasure are the ones that are based on a deep sense of wholeness and love within yourself. Following your joy and choosing on behalf of your ultimate, lasting fulfillment requires that you know you are worthy of epic love, devotional adoration, passionate respect, and all the delicious pleasure your body is capable of.
Whether you’re single or partnered, your personal and sexual self-care is a non-negotiable if you desire to feel and be more sexually empowered. This includes knowing how you desire to be made love to and beginning to explore ways to give that to your self.
While self-love is a life-long journey, it starts with making it a daily discipline to show up for yourself in ways that are increasingly nourishing, compassionate, and unconditional. Notice all the ways in which you outsource your lovability, attractiveness, and worthiness and start becoming fiercely committed to increasingly providing for yourself – even in the smallest of ways – that for which you tend to habitually wait and depend on others.
3. Cocoon yourself with the embrace of safety
The human brain cannot simultaneously be in a state of stress and anxiety at the same time as pleasure and sexual arousal.
In other words, unless you feel safe in your own skin, your own heart, and the environment you’re in, your capacity to access sensual, sexual pleasure will be severely compromised.
Know what you need to feel safe within yourself, with a partner and in whatever space you may find yourself and continue to keep an ongoing list as you expand in your desires and sensual aliveness. The safer you feel, the more of you will effortlessly emerge to play and express.
Making your feelings of safety of utmost priority will go a long way to nourishing your entire being in a way that allows you to open wider, be present, receive more deeply, and enjoy your experience so much more fully either with yourself or with your partner.
Our bodies possess a great deal of timeless, wordless wisdom. And, the ecstasy, aliveness, and expression we so desperately seek and desire all unfold through the body, which means that the fulfillment of this desire starts with inhabiting ourselves and our bodies more fully.
I encounter so many women who feel numbed out, estranged from their bodies, and sensually and emotionally malnourished when it comes to their sex life. They have a deep longing for more and an even deeper knowing that MORE is possible and they are destined for it.
I’ve known this experience well myself, which has been the spark behind my work with women and lifelong studies in Tantra, which is one of the gateways I’ve discovered that empowers us to find our way back to our bodies….back to HER…. and invites us to turn towards the essential aspects of our feminine aliveness and deep, embodied wholeness from which to realize more of our potential.
If you crave more sensual nourishment and sexual empowerment in your relationship with your beloved self or your beloved partner, listen to your body, listen to your heart, stay close to your essence, and trust the intelligence from the depths of your inner world. Adore and inhabit your body as the divine particles in form that it is, love yourself fiercely, be a “yes” to your desires, and allow your deepest truth to lead the way.